Meet the Staff
James Dearden
Associate Pastor
This content contains references to suicidal thoughts. It may cause distress for some readers.
I sat down with James a few weeks ago with the intention of learning more about his Christian walk. In all honesty, after working with James for eighteen months, I thought I knew him relatively well. I was blown away, however, by James' frankness about the darker parts of his story, which he remains committed to sharing with all of you. I pray you'll be encouraged by James as you read his unabashed - and largely unedited - story.
Sam B
~
I became a Christian when I was quite young. I don't remember it, but my parents tell me that when I was 5 I accepted Jesus as God and wanted to follow him. I do remember that when I was at 9 I went on a Christian camp, and I admitted to my friends that I didn't think I had actually accepted Jesus after all. My friends prayed for me, and so I accepted God again when I was 9.
My parents divorced when I was around 12, and I really fell away from the faith because of that experience. Due to that separation, no one in my family was really following the Lord. I still believed in God, though, but I only thought about it if somebody else brought it up.
During that time, I continued to look for meaning and purpose in my life outside of God. When you're a teenager, you look a lot for a sense of belonging in friendships, and that's exactly what I did, too. But I couldn't find my purpose with my friends. So then, I started looking in relationships. I had a few of them, but one in particular lasted four years as a teen and a young adult.
She's actually a really important part of my faith story. At the time, she hated God, while I believed in God, even though I wasn't actively pursuing a relationship with Him. But a few years into our relationship, she cheated on me, which was such a huge blow. Even though I wasn't following God, I still valued loyalty in intimate relationships. At that point, I'd never experienced anything like the pain I felt when she cheated on me. That led me to question my life. What am I doing here? What is the purpose of this life?
It was around that time that I actually decided to start going back to church. I knew that HBBC was our home church when I was a child, so I was drawn to come back here, and I basically haven't stopped coming since I was 19. I continued with my non-Christian girlfriend for a few more years, even though our relationship was completely broken. When I did come back to God, I really wanted her to find Him, too. I prayed for her salvation, and for a few years I tried to bargain with God, but it never happened. The closer I got to God, the further away she got from our relationship, to the point where I felt convicted that I needed to end things. That experience was a huge trial, and there was so much internal conflict, but I knew that being with someone that hated God wasn't good for me, or for what God wanted for me.
At the same time as being so hurt in my relationship with my girlfriend, I was also copping a fair amount of abuse at work. I was an apprentice butcher at the time, which for me was a pretty tough culture. I was emotionally and verbally abused almost every day. I became so angry, all the time, and some dark mental thoughts started to become a fairly regular occurrence. It was a really dark time. I actually developed anxiety and depression because I was so distressed. I just couldn't see the point of living, and to be frank, I wanted to kill myself more than once. Instead, I decided to self-medicate. I turned to binge drinking and pornography as a way to escape my reality, pretty much as often as I could. But I still knew, throughout all of those escapes, that my life was totally broken. I had no meaning. I had no purpose.
I can see in retrospect just how much God was with me in those moments of depression, anxiety and addiction. I was finding absolutely nothing meaningful in my life; there was no meaning in work, relationship, or fun. There was a level of emptiness in my friendships. There was nothing in my life at the time that was giving me fulfilment. And eventually I thought, you know what? I'm not trying other escapes anymore. I'm going back to God and I'm going to see what He has for me instead.
After that, I became very intentional about coming back to church, and pursuing my relationship with God. I had a fantastic mentor at the time, who was the Associate Pastor here. I started attending Life Group, and after a year or two of personal growth I had become a youth leader, and really loved doing that. There were so many little, beautiful moments where I can see God growing me to follow him. My depression and anxiety started to lift. I slowed down on binge drinking and pornography. Over time, these huge weights were gradually lifted completely off my shoulders.
I never saw myself becoming a Pastor, especially after knowing myself as a young adult. In retrospect, I know God was working so much on my heart throughout my whole life. He knew that He was calling me into ministry, back when I was still so broken. When I was about 22, I just loved reading the Bible, I read it cover to cover. I got to the part in Timothy and Titus where it talks about conditions for becoming and overseer or an Elder, and I prayed that God would grow in me over the course of my life enough of those qualities that when I was old and grey, I would be wise enough and mature enough to become an Elder. And when I was 27, I was approached to become an Elder of the church! Not really old and grey! My spiritual growth journey was seen by the leaders, and I was an Elder for three years before the church's COACH coordinator role came up, which is how I eventually started ministering here.
As for the spiritual side, when I was about to finish my apprenticeship, I just knew that butchering wasn't giving me purpose and meaning. I was already coming back to God at this stage, and I knew that I wanted my career to be fulfilling. I had a conversation with my dad, who used to be a Christian counsellor, and he said "counselling can be so rewarding in supporting people to move forward". Something inside of me clicked, and I knew what my purpose was. So from there I worked on my psychology degree and was later poached by a senior manager at Uniting Care to be a youth counsellor. That started my career in the social services, where I've now worked in multiple different fields, and eventually got my Masters in Social Work. All of this was around the time of growing spiritually, leading youth group, and becoming an Elder. God has incredible planning over the timing.
There's so much I can see from my own story. I would encourage those who don't know God to think about their meaning and purpose. From what I've experienced and what I've seen, both in my personal and professional life, as well as what I've ready in the Bible, I truly believe you can only have a certain level of fulfilment and belonging in a non-Christian setting. When you become a Christian, everything changes, and that includes meaning, purpose and fulfilment, which all make up your identity. I would encourage any person to look at the meaning and fulfilment in their life, and give God a go, because He has so much more for your life than you could ever imagine.
For Christians who may have experienced the dark times I experienced as a teen and young adult, it's so important to be connected in well to a Christian community. If you can have a good sense of belonging, in whatever Christian community looks like for you, and read God's word, and seek Him as a real relationship, things will start to fall in place in your life. It won't happen overnight, but over the years it will. He will bring you to the calling that He wants for you, and give you the wisdom that you need to make the decisions you have to make, in order to find your meaning and purpose.
I sat down with James a few weeks ago with the intention of learning more about his Christian walk. In all honesty, after working with James for eighteen months, I thought I knew him relatively well. I was blown away, however, by James' frankness about the darker parts of his story, which he remains committed to sharing with all of you. I pray you'll be encouraged by James as you read his unabashed - and largely unedited - story.
Sam B
~
I became a Christian when I was quite young. I don't remember it, but my parents tell me that when I was 5 I accepted Jesus as God and wanted to follow him. I do remember that when I was at 9 I went on a Christian camp, and I admitted to my friends that I didn't think I had actually accepted Jesus after all. My friends prayed for me, and so I accepted God again when I was 9.
My parents divorced when I was around 12, and I really fell away from the faith because of that experience. Due to that separation, no one in my family was really following the Lord. I still believed in God, though, but I only thought about it if somebody else brought it up.
During that time, I continued to look for meaning and purpose in my life outside of God. When you're a teenager, you look a lot for a sense of belonging in friendships, and that's exactly what I did, too. But I couldn't find my purpose with my friends. So then, I started looking in relationships. I had a few of them, but one in particular lasted four years as a teen and a young adult.
She's actually a really important part of my faith story. At the time, she hated God, while I believed in God, even though I wasn't actively pursuing a relationship with Him. But a few years into our relationship, she cheated on me, which was such a huge blow. Even though I wasn't following God, I still valued loyalty in intimate relationships. At that point, I'd never experienced anything like the pain I felt when she cheated on me. That led me to question my life. What am I doing here? What is the purpose of this life?
It was around that time that I actually decided to start going back to church. I knew that HBBC was our home church when I was a child, so I was drawn to come back here, and I basically haven't stopped coming since I was 19. I continued with my non-Christian girlfriend for a few more years, even though our relationship was completely broken. When I did come back to God, I really wanted her to find Him, too. I prayed for her salvation, and for a few years I tried to bargain with God, but it never happened. The closer I got to God, the further away she got from our relationship, to the point where I felt convicted that I needed to end things. That experience was a huge trial, and there was so much internal conflict, but I knew that being with someone that hated God wasn't good for me, or for what God wanted for me.
At the same time as being so hurt in my relationship with my girlfriend, I was also copping a fair amount of abuse at work. I was an apprentice butcher at the time, which for me was a pretty tough culture. I was emotionally and verbally abused almost every day. I became so angry, all the time, and some dark mental thoughts started to become a fairly regular occurrence. It was a really dark time. I actually developed anxiety and depression because I was so distressed. I just couldn't see the point of living, and to be frank, I wanted to kill myself more than once. Instead, I decided to self-medicate. I turned to binge drinking and pornography as a way to escape my reality, pretty much as often as I could. But I still knew, throughout all of those escapes, that my life was totally broken. I had no meaning. I had no purpose.
I can see in retrospect just how much God was with me in those moments of depression, anxiety and addiction. I was finding absolutely nothing meaningful in my life; there was no meaning in work, relationship, or fun. There was a level of emptiness in my friendships. There was nothing in my life at the time that was giving me fulfilment. And eventually I thought, you know what? I'm not trying other escapes anymore. I'm going back to God and I'm going to see what He has for me instead.
After that, I became very intentional about coming back to church, and pursuing my relationship with God. I had a fantastic mentor at the time, who was the Associate Pastor here. I started attending Life Group, and after a year or two of personal growth I had become a youth leader, and really loved doing that. There were so many little, beautiful moments where I can see God growing me to follow him. My depression and anxiety started to lift. I slowed down on binge drinking and pornography. Over time, these huge weights were gradually lifted completely off my shoulders.
I never saw myself becoming a Pastor, especially after knowing myself as a young adult. In retrospect, I know God was working so much on my heart throughout my whole life. He knew that He was calling me into ministry, back when I was still so broken. When I was about 22, I just loved reading the Bible, I read it cover to cover. I got to the part in Timothy and Titus where it talks about conditions for becoming and overseer or an Elder, and I prayed that God would grow in me over the course of my life enough of those qualities that when I was old and grey, I would be wise enough and mature enough to become an Elder. And when I was 27, I was approached to become an Elder of the church! Not really old and grey! My spiritual growth journey was seen by the leaders, and I was an Elder for three years before the church's COACH coordinator role came up, which is how I eventually started ministering here.
As for the spiritual side, when I was about to finish my apprenticeship, I just knew that butchering wasn't giving me purpose and meaning. I was already coming back to God at this stage, and I knew that I wanted my career to be fulfilling. I had a conversation with my dad, who used to be a Christian counsellor, and he said "counselling can be so rewarding in supporting people to move forward". Something inside of me clicked, and I knew what my purpose was. So from there I worked on my psychology degree and was later poached by a senior manager at Uniting Care to be a youth counsellor. That started my career in the social services, where I've now worked in multiple different fields, and eventually got my Masters in Social Work. All of this was around the time of growing spiritually, leading youth group, and becoming an Elder. God has incredible planning over the timing.
There's so much I can see from my own story. I would encourage those who don't know God to think about their meaning and purpose. From what I've experienced and what I've seen, both in my personal and professional life, as well as what I've ready in the Bible, I truly believe you can only have a certain level of fulfilment and belonging in a non-Christian setting. When you become a Christian, everything changes, and that includes meaning, purpose and fulfilment, which all make up your identity. I would encourage any person to look at the meaning and fulfilment in their life, and give God a go, because He has so much more for your life than you could ever imagine.
For Christians who may have experienced the dark times I experienced as a teen and young adult, it's so important to be connected in well to a Christian community. If you can have a good sense of belonging, in whatever Christian community looks like for you, and read God's word, and seek Him as a real relationship, things will start to fall in place in your life. It won't happen overnight, but over the years it will. He will bring you to the calling that He wants for you, and give you the wisdom that you need to make the decisions you have to make, in order to find your meaning and purpose.
Posted in Introducing